


Fate

by dandelionfairies



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Band, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, M/M, attempted suicide (in the past), high school sweethearts, talks of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-09-30 21:36:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17231621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandelionfairies/pseuds/dandelionfairies
Summary: Louis and Harry were high school sweethearts until Harry's family pulled them apart and sent Harry away.  Ten years go by before they see each other again... something neither had been expecting.





	1. Until We Meet Again

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not real. I don't own Harry, Louis, or any of the others mentioned.
> 
> Author's Note: I by no means think this is how Gemma and Des would be. It just needed to happen for all of this to work.

_ Harry smiles at Louis as they reach the sidewalk leading to Harry's house.  “Please tell me I don’t look completely ridiculous right now,” he mutters. _

 

_ Louis nudges him.  “You always look ridiculous.”  He gives Harry a quick wink. “Why would you think you look ridiculous?” _

 

_ “You seriously have to ask me that?  I mean…” Harry shrugs. “Do I need to say it?” _

 

_ Louis beams at how shy Harry becomes.  “Yes, I want to hear you say it.” _

 

_ “Lou…” _

 

_ “Say it, Harry.”  He chances being seen as he takes a step closer to Harry. _

 

_ “I hate you.”  Harry wets his dry lips as he lets his gaze fall to Louis’ mouth.  “You fucked me.” _

 

_ “Mmm… I seem to remember it being a little more than just that.” _

 

_ Harry smiles.  “You loved me.” _

 

_ “That’s better.” _

 

_ Harry takes a step back, throwing a look toward the house.  “I'll see you tomorrow?” he asks. _

 

_ “Try and stop me,” Louis responds.  “I love you.” _

 

_ Harry blushes as the words.  “Love you, too.” He shifts his bag as he makes his way up the walk toward the door.  He gives Louis one last glance before stepping into the house. _

 

_ The moment he's inside he can feel something is off.  There’s a tension in the air that he’s never felt better.  There’s always tension when it comes to being home; at least since admitting that he’s gay to his family.  But this is different. Harry sets his bag down before walking to the living room, frowning at the sight of his family all sitting in the living room. _

 

_ “What’s this?” he asks.  The look he gets from his sister sends a chill through his body.  This isn’t going to be good. “What?” _

 

_ “I thought we told you to end whatever it was you had with that… boy.”  His Dad’s words hit him like a brick wall. There’s no way he could know.  Did he see them outside? _

 

_ “I…”  He swallows hard.  “I did.” _

 

_ “Do not lie to me, Harry.”  Des stands up at that, causing Harry to take a step back. _

 

_ “He lives down the street,” Harry says.  “It’s unavoidable to be near each other when we walk home from school.” _

 

_ “There are ways to avoid it.  And it’s more than what I just saw.” _

 

_ Harry’s heart sinks at that.  His Dad had seen them outside.  What did he see? “I…” _

 

_ “I’m done being nice about this.  Your bags are packed and you leave in an hour.” _

 

_ “What?  What do you mean I leave in an hour?”  Harry stares at Des in disbelief. Where’s he going?  Where is Des sending him? _

 

_ “I would suggest going to make sure there’s nothing left in your room that you want to take.” _

 

_ “Tell me where I’m going.” _

 

_ “You’re sixteen, Harry.  You will do what I tell you.”  Des points to the stairs. “Now go.  I can’t even look at you right now.” _

 

_ Harry sits down on his unmade bed and looks down at his phone.  He pulls up Louis’ name and presses send. He needs to talk to him.  His frown returns when the call won’t go through. “No,” he mutters. He stands up, throwing his phone across the room where it hits the wall before falling to the floor.  He runs to the window, throwing it open. He can sneak down the ladder and run to Louis’.  _

 

_ “It’s gone,” Gemma says from behind him. _

 

_ Harry turns and stares at his sister.  “Gem…” _

 

_ “All you had to do was stop seeing him, Harry.” _

 

_ Harry shakes his head.  “I couldn’t… I can’t. I love him.” _

 

_ “You’re sixteen.  You don’t know what love is.”  Gemma shakes her head. “Your ride is here.” _

 

_ Harry waits until Gemma’s gone before he lifts his mattress.  He pulls out the picture he’d hidden there months ago. He’s thankful they didn’t find this one when ransacking his room.  At least he’ll have one picture of him and Louis. _

 

* * *

__  
_  
_ __ Louis leans against the tree as he watches Harry’s front door.  He frowns and looks at his watch. There has to be something wrong.  Harry is usually waiting for him in the morning. Today is different.  Harry’s nowhere outside and the house looks quiet. He throws another look at his watch, sighing because he knows he can’t wait any longer.  He’ll end up being late to class if he waits any longer. Maybe Harry’s already at school. Had the been caught yesterday?

 

_ When Louis walks to Harry’s locker, he can immediately feel something wrong.  He puts in the combination and opens the locker. He stares into the empty compartment.  Everything is gone. But… _

 

_ “He’s gone, faggot.” _

 

_ Louis turns to see Gemma standing there.  “He’s…?” _

 

_ “You never took the hint, did you?  He wanted to get away from you. He’s not like you.  You used him and made him think it’s what he is. But he’s not like you.  He finally had enough.” _

 

_ “You’re lying.” _

 

_ “You see his locker.”  Gemma lets out a soft laugh.  “He hated you, Louis.” _

 

_ Louis slams the locker closed and pushes past Gemma.  This can’t be happening. Harry doesn’t hate him. Louis pulls his phone from his pocket to send Harry a text message.  His heart sinks when an automated message comes as a return. _

 

* * *

  
  
Harry grabs his phone from his desk, not bothering to look to see who it is as he answers.  “This is Harry.”

 

“Hello, Harry, this is Niall.”

 

Harry laughs at the sound of his friend’s voice.  “Hey. Was I expecting you to call me?”

 

“Of course you weren’t.”

 

Harry moves to sit down behind his desk.  “What do I owe for this unexpected call then?”

 

“Do you think you can pull yourself away from work long enough to come out and spend some time with your friends?  New Year’s party.”

 

Harry runs a hand through his hair.  He’s tempted to tell Niall no. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy the parties Niall throws.  Quite the opposite, actually. However, being single when everyone else is in a relationship isn’t always fun.  Especially on New Year’s Eve.

 

“And before you tell me no,” Niall interrupts Harry’s thoughts, “you will not be the only single one there.”

 

Harry lets out a soft laugh.  “You know me well.”

 

“We were roommates for four years, of course I do.  Come on, Harry. Live a little.”

 

“You sound like you’re trying to set me up.”

 

“No.  I had a black eye the last time I did that.”

 

Harry sighs.  “All right. If I can get a few days off, I’ll be there.”

 

“It’s just a small thing, Harry.”

 

Even after agreeing, Harry is tempted to tell Naill that he couldn’t get any time off work.  Niall would be able to hear the lie right away. Of course, Harry’s boss is all too eager to give him the whole week off.

 

“Go live a little, Styles.”

 

Harry steps over to the large window in his hotel room.  “Here I am,” he mutters. “Living a little.” He lets out a bitter laugh.  He can’t believe he’s actually here. It’s the one place he never thought he’d come back to.  After all these years… He shakes his head. The moment he turned eighteen, he left that awful place.  He told himself he’d never look back, yet here he is. Okay, so it isn’t at the place, but he is in the same city.

 

They didn’t control him anymore.  This is his life now. Harry grips the rail of the balcony and stares out over the city.

 

“This is my life,” he says softly.  “You can’t control me anymore.” He pulls his phone from his pocket so he can send Niall a quick message.

 

_ At the hotel. _

 

**_Brilliant! Dinner?_ **

 

_ Tell me when and where. I’ll be there. _

 

Harry sighs.  “You’re here, Harry.  Show them that you’re the bigger person.”

 

* * *

 

  
Louis sits on the floor with his legs crossed under him as he listens to the others laughing at whatever Liam had just said.  Apparently whatever other single friend Niall had said would be here decided not to come. Louis is about to tell Niall that he’s going to head home when the doorbell rings.

 

“It’s about fucking time,” Niall mutters.

 

Louis grins as he looks down at his hands.  This must be the mysterious friend from college.  He can hear footsteps coming back into the room. He lifts his head enough to see a set of boots.  He can’t help but let out a soft laugh. “Chelsea boots. I didn’t even know they still made those.”  He looks up to see the owner of the boots, his smile fading.

 

“Louis,” Niall says with a laugh.  “This is Harry Styles. Harry, this is Louis Tomlinson.”

 

Harry nods at him.  “Nice to meet you, Louis.”

 

“Likewise.”  Is this really happening?  He’d know those eyes anywhere, so there’s no denying that this is his high school boyfriend.  But… does Harry actually not remember him? He watches Harry slip out of his coat. He can’t take it any longer.  He stands up, grabbing his empty beer bottle. “I need another drink. Anyone else?” He doesn’t even wait for an answer before walking into the kitchen.

 

After gathering his composure again, Louis grabs a few beers from the fridge and makes his way back into the living room.  He passes them around and moves to sit back where he had been. Niall stops him before he can actually sit.

 

“Stop sitting on the floor,” Niall says.  “There’s plenty of room up here. Besides, we’re starting games.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes.  “Of course we are.” As he turns he sees the only spot left is beside Harry.  Why wouldn’t it be? He sits down next to the other man. “What are we playing first?”

 

The first couple of games are fun and silly.  It’s definitely loosened Louis up. When it’s announced that they were going to split into pairs of two for the final game before stopping to eat, Louis’ stomach drops.  He knows he’s going to be paired with Harry. He drops his head forward when Niall does put them together. He’s a little surprised when Ava is paired with Liam and Ellie is paired with Niall.  

 

“It’s kinda like the newlywed game,” Niall continues.  “Things will go both ways. So things will get answered by both people.”

 

Louis takes the small marker board from Niall.  “How personal are these questions?” he asks.

 

Niall chuckles.  “Louis, seriously?”

 

He grins.  “Right.”

 

“Harry, you’re the youngest, so you pick out the first one.”

 

“Thanks for that,” Harry mutters.  He grabs one of the slips of paper.  “Am I answering this one about Louis or he answering about me?  I need to know what I’m writing.”

 

“You need to chill,” Ava says with a giggle.  “His answer. So you're answering about him. I’m answering about Liam and Ellie’s answering about Niall.  What’s the question?”

 

“What’s your favorite color?”

 

Louis writes down his answer and looks over to wait for Harry to finish.  He isn’t sure what to expect from Harry. There’s no way Harry doesn’t remember him.  He hasn’t changed that much in ten years. But…

 

“Harry,” Niall says.

 

Harry turns his marker board over.  “Red.”

 

Louis looks down to hide his smile.  He’s going to take that as a sign that Harry does indeed remember him.  Now he just has to figure out why he’s pretending he doesn’t. He turns his own board over.  “Red.”

 

They go through a few more questions before one comes up that makes Louis nervous.  He definitely knows the answer to this one because he’d been there. “Umm… how old were you when you lost your virginity?”  

 

“Oh, getting to the good stuff,” Liam says.  He looks at Louis after they all finish writing their answers.

 

“Fifteen.”  He glances over at Harry as the other man turns his board around.

 

“Fifteen.”

 

Niall points to Harry after everyone answers the question.  “You told me you were older.”

 

“I lied.”

 

“I know how awkward you were.  I saw you on dates.”

 

“Niall,” Ava says.  “I think it’s cute that he was the youngest.  I’m kinda curious as to where he lost it.”

 

Harry shifts uncomfortably.  “Does it…?”

 

“Backseat of a Ford Focus,” Louis finds himself saying.  His eyes widen when he realizes it was said out loud. “Oh… um…”

 

“Very specific with the guess there, Tomo,” Liam says.  “But how could he fit in the back seat of a Ford Focus?”

 

Harry runs a hand through his hair as he looks beside him at Louis.  “Louis…”

 

“So you do remember me?”

 

“Whoa,” Niall frowns.  “What are you talking about?”

 

Louis stands up.  “I’m sorry. I need some air.”  He walks out onto the balcony and sits down.  What was he thinking? When the door opens a couple minutes later, Louis sighs.  “Niall, I’m fine.”

 

“Not Niall.”

 

Louis looks up quickly to see Harry stepping outside.  “Of course it’s not.”

 

“I came out here on my own.”  Harry sits down and looks over at Louis.  “They’re now trying to picture me in the backseat of a tiny car.”

 

Louis lets out a bitter laugh.  “What are you doing out here, Harry?”

 

“Not obvious?  Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

“Like you even care.”  Louis looks away. “You don’t care.  You never did.” 

 

“I didn’t?  Glad you can sit there and tell me how I felt.”

 

Louis stands up.  “You made it obvious when you left me.”  He moves to walk to the door, only stopping when Harry grabs his arm.  “Let go of me.”

 

“You really think I simply just left you?”

 

Louis pulls his arm free.  “You did. I waited for you, Harry.  I was almost late to class. Your locker was completely empty.  Not…” He shakes his head. “Forget it. I’m not eighteen anymore, so…”

 

“They sent me away, Louis.”

 

“You expect me to believe that?”  Louis stares down at him. “Where?  Where do you expect me to believe they sent you?”  He backs up when Harry stands. “You left and you never once got a hold of me.”

 

“I couldn’t.  Louis, I didn’t want to leave.  I walked in that day to my bags packed.  It wasn’t until I got to the place that I even knew where I was.  They sent me to this center to fix me. My family sent me away because I’m gay.  I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t write you. I wasn’t allowed to call anyone. And they read every piece of mail that went out.  There wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about you. By the time I got out of there…”

 

“When I left for uni, the family decided to move.”

 

Harry nods.  “The day I turned eighteen I left.  They couldn’t hold me any longer. I’m sorry, Louis.  You… I never wanted to leave. I was in love with you.”

 

“You acted like you didn’t know me, Harry.”

 

“I panicked.  I haven’t seen you in ten years.”  He shrugs a little as he shoves his hands into the front pockets of his black jeans.  “I tried calling you when I found out. Dad had already turned my phone off. I didn’t… I couldn’t even climb down the ladder.  They…” 

 

“Gemma told me you hated me.”

 

“Oh, Lou…”  

 

“Don’t.”  Louis shakes his head.  “I don’t know what to think right now.  Ten years and I still…” He looks away from Harry.  “We should head back in.”

 

“Promise me you aren’t going to run out the second we go back in.”

 

“Even if I wanted to, Niall wouldn’t let me.  But I promise.”

 

Harry closes the door behind him after they get back inside, not at all surprised by the looks the other four give them.  “So I’ll go ahead and answer everyone’s question.” He glances at Louis as they sit back down. “I met Louis when I was ten.  But um…” He shrugs as he looks down at his hands. “We went out for two years. Almost three. Until I was sixteen when…”

 

“Your Da sent you away,” Niall finishes.

 

Harry nods.  “Dad sent me away.”  He sighs. “So there ya go.  Let’s move on.”

 

“I have a question,” Liam says.

 

“Of course you do,” both Louis and Harry say.

 

Harry gives Louis a small smile before looking at Liam.  “What do you wanna know?”

 

“How did you fit in the back seat of a Ford Focus?”

 

“Would you like a visual?” Louis asks.

 

Harry looks over at him quickly, biting down on his bottom lip.  He can remember that night like it was yesterday. He’d been so nervous, but Louis put him at ease.  Louis never made him feel anything but safe and comfortable.

 

“It would help,” Liam answers.  

 

“You are not getting a visual,” Harry mutters.  “Why are you so interested by this?”

 

“Because you’re tall.”

 

“I’m not that tall.”

 

“It’s the legs,” Louis says.  “Always…” He looks away quickly.  Why can’t he stop himself from talking?  “Sorry.”

 

“I’m kinda interested in seeing it myself,” Ava says.

 

“No,” Harry and Louis say together. 

 

* * *

  
  
Harry looks toward the television to see that they’re coming up to the countdown.  He lets out a soft breath. This is the worst moment, especially when his two closest friends are with their girlfriends.  At least this time he isn’t the only one left out. He glances out to the balcony where Louis had stepped out to get some air.  He recognized the signs right away of anxiety.

 

Harry stands up and takes the two flutes of champagne before heading out to the balcony.  “Mind if I join you?” he asks.

 

Louis looks over.  “If you want,” he answers.  

 

Harry holds out one of the glasses.  “It’s almost time.”

 

“Which is why you’re out here?”

 

He lets out a soft laugh.  “Partly.” He looks out over the city.  “Also really didn’t want to wish myself a happy new year.”

 

Louis snorts.  “Well, that wouldn’t be as bad as trying to kiss yourself.”

 

“True.”  Harry glances back when he hears the others start the countdown.  “Well, it’s that time.” He turns to face Louis as the countdown reaches the end.  “Happy new year, Louis.”

 

“Happy new year, Harry.”  He sips his champagne, never taking his eyes off Harry.

 

Harry gestures out toward the city.  “As much as this view is amazing, I hate it.”

 

Louis frowns.  “Why?”

 

“I spent two years here, trapped in a place that sucked the life out of me.”  He shrugs. “I don’t know how I survived there, I really don’t.”

 

“Harry…”  Louis stops, not knowing what to say.  “I don’t even know what to say right now.”  He watches Harry carefully. “Have you talked to Des?  Or Gemma?”

 

“Not since that day.  I refused any visits from them.  They sent some letters, but I ripped them up before I even read them.  I wanted nothing to do with them.”

 

“So you had no one?”

 

“For the most part.”

 

“If I would have known…”

 

“There’s no way you could have.”  Harry shakes his head. “I’m sorry I made you think I just left.”

 

“No, don’t apologize.”  Louis sighs. “I hate myself for thinking that you did.  I should have known better. But when Gemma told me you were gone…”  He shrugs. “Was it bad?”

 

Harry turns around, leaning against the railing as he contemplates Louis’ question.  “Some days were worse than others. It depended on the therapy that day. And how I reacted really.”

 

Louis’ frown deepens at that.  “What do you mean? What did they do to you?  No, never mind. You shouldn’t have to relive it.”

 

Harry smiles a little as he looks over at Louis.  “It’s fine.” He finishes off his champagne, setting the glass on the small table.

 

“You look good, Harry.”  Louis watches the blush creep onto Harry’s cheeks.  It’s a blush he remembers so well. “The long hair suits you.”  He smiles when Harry’s cheeks turn even darker. 

 

“Thanks.”  Harry looks at Louis.  “You look good too.” He lets out a sigh.  “Louis…”

 

“I’m in town for a few more days.  Do you think we can get together and talk more?”

 

Harry nods.  “I’d like that.”  He looks at Louis again and smiles.  “I’m staying at the Wesley.”

 

“So am I.”  Louis nudges him.  “It was fate, Hazza.”

 

“Apparently so.”


	2. This I Promise You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!  
> This chapter may have some trigger areas for some people. Talks of suicide and attempted suicide is involved in this chapter. While it's not the actual scene, it is talked about. If this is something you don't want to or can't read, please skip over that part.

Louis looks toward the front of the restaurant again.  He’d gotten here way earlier than the agreed time with Harry.  It’s not even like he had far to go. They’d made plans to meet at the restaurant in the hotel they are both staying at.  Louis sighs as he looks at his watch.    
  
“I’m early, calm down,” Harry says.   
  
Louis looks up and smiles as Harry sits down across from him.  “I wasn’t worried,” he responds. “Just having an inner battle with myself for being way too early.”   
  
Harry nods.  “I called my boss so I wouldn’t do just that.”   
  
“Your boss?  You called your boss?”   
  
“I called my boss.  He told me if I called him again before I came back to work he’s going to fire me.”  He smiles when he hears Louis’ soft chuckle. “Glad you find that funny.”   
  
“He’s not serious, right?”   
  
“If he was serious with those threats, I would have been fired six months after I started.”   
  
“How long have you been there?”   
  
“Depends on how you look at it.  Been with the company for five years.  Been in this position for almost a year now.”  Harry looks up when someone stops at the side of the table.   
  
“Good evening,” the blonde woman says.  “My name is Anna and I will be your server this evening.”   
  
Louis looks at Harry again after they both order their drinks and a couple of appetizers.  “What do you do?”   
  
“I’m the art director at an advertising agency.  It’s a smaller company, so I’m actually more hands-on than most directors.  What about you? What do you do?”   
  
“Nothing as special as you are.”   
  


“Louis, be serious.”   
  
“I am.”  Louis smiles across the table.  “I work in the marketing department of a small publishing company.”   
  
“Nothing as…”  Harry sighs. “That’s amazing, Louis.  You were always creative with that kind of stuff.”   
  
He shrugs.  “I guess. They seem to like what I do.  So you and Niall went to uni together?”   
  
Harry nods.  “We did. We were dormmates our first year and hit it off right away.  It actually surprised me considering how messed up I still was from everything.  But after that, we just continued to room together. Our last year, we actually got a place off campus along with Liam.  How do you know them?”   
  
“Through work, actually.  I was assigned a project for their company and they were the two that I was working with.  It was like we’d known each other for years in the matter of hours.”   
  
They continue to make small talk through their appetizers and meals.  Louis is amazed how much but how little they’ve changed over the last ten years.  He wants to know more, however. He needs to know more. How is he supposed to bring it up though?   
  
“Just ask, Louis,” Harry says.   
  
Louis frowns as he looks away.  “What are you talking about?”   
  
“You know what I’m talking about.  I know that look. You can ask me anything.”   
  
He shouldn’t be surprised.  Harry had known him so well.  He’d learned his little quirks, including the way his expression would change for the little things.  Louis finally lets out a soft sigh and looks back across the table at Harry.   
  
“I know you said you haven’t talked to them since that day.  But…” He shrugs. “Did you ever try?”   
  
Harry shakes his head.  “No. I wanted and still want nothing to do with them.  The pain they caused me…” He laughs bitterly. “I can’t forgive them for that.  I wish I had been stronger then so I could have told them how I really felt about it all.  But I was so… weak, naïve. I don’t know. I just… I wish I would have stood up to them. They sent me away because I’m gay.  And that place… actually broke me even more than they did.”   
  
Louis’ frown deepens.  “Harry…”   
  
“It had gotten to the point where I just wanted it to end.”   
  
Louis’ heart sinks at that comment.  “Oh, Harry.”    
  
Harry shakes his head.  “I didn’t mean for that to come out.”  He licks his lips. “We can talk, Louis.  I just can’t do it here.”   
  
Louis follows Harry down the hall a short time later.  He can feel how nervous Harry is right now, which makes his own anxiety level rise.  He doesn’t dare say anything right now, however. He doesn’t want to scare Harry. He steps through the doorway of Harry’s room.   
  
Harry sits down at the end of the bed and looks up at Louis.  “Before I say anything, I need you to know that I’m okay. I’m way past where I was.”   
  
Louis frowns a little as he watches Harry, crossing his arms over his chest.  “How bad was it, Harry?”   
  
Harry shrugs.  “The first week or so wasn’t… I can’t even say it wasn’t bad.  But compared to the rest it was a breeze. It’s like they waited until you were kinda comfortable before hitting you with the entire thing.  I still have nightmares about the therapies they’d put me through. There are certain smells that remind me of that place and I will instantly freeze up.”  He wrings his hands together. “After a while, I lost all track of time. There are still times I have to stop and make sure I was only in there for two years.  They did these… these therapies that were supposed to fix me. They would put these pictures up and if I reacted in the wrong way they would send shock waves through me.”   
  
Louis approaches the bed slowly, making sure he sits down with space between them.  He doesn’t want Harry to panic if he’s too close. There’s a look on Harry’s face that he’s never seen before.  It’s a look he hopes he’ll never have to see again after today.   
  
“The more I reacted the more painful the shocks would be.  I tried so hard not to react. After a while, I was able to for the most part.  But there was one picture…”   
  
“You don’t have to go on, Harry.”   
  
“No, I do.”  He runs a hand through his hair.  “I still don’t know how they got the picture.  I didn’t have it in my belongings. I had one picture with me.  I don’t know how they never found it. But I always managed to hide it through every check.  They had another picture, though. And…” He looks at Louis. “I always reacted because it was you.”   
  
Louis watches him carefully.  “Me?”   
  
Harry nods and looks away.  “I remember when I took the picture.  It wasn’t the picture I necessarily reacted to.  It was more remembering what was going on.”    
  
“What picture was it?”  Louis hadn’t planned on asking that.  It’s out of his mouth before he even realizes he’s asked.   
  
“It was the final day of summer break before grade 10.”   
  
Louis smiles.  “You snuck out to see me.”   
  
Harry nods.  “We were laying in your room.  Even at that point, I was so scared that your Mom would find us and react like my Dad would.  But… you made me feel safe. I remember hearing one of your sisters running through the hall and panicked even more.  They were so young. I didn’t want to ruin them by letting them see their big brother with some boy.” He lets out a small smile.  “When I was saying just that, you kissed me to shut me up.”   
  
“I did.  It worked.”   
  
“It did.”  Harry chuckles.  “When I was getting ready to leave, you were still laying on the bed.  I looked at you and knew I needed to keep that image forever. That’s the picture they used for two years.  That was the only picture that always made me react.”   
  
“I’m sorry, Harry.”   
  
“It was after one session probably six months after I got there.  I was done. I didn’t even feel like a person anymore. I was this shell of who I once was.  This session was really bad. It was probably the worst one I had. They told me to be honest about my answers and I would be fine.  I don’t know why I believed them. The second I opened my mouth it was over. I felt it. The pain…”   
  
Louis can see Harry close his eyes as if picturing that day.  “Harry…”   
  
“I was locked in my room after that session.  I didn’t even care. I just laid in bed, crying.  What else could I do? I didn’t want to do anything else.  I was done. I didn’t want to continue after that. And then I saw it.”  He turns his face completely away from Louis. “The nurse, if you can even call her that, left the bottle of sleeping pills on my bedside table.  I finally saw an end. I dragged myself off the bed, took the bottle, and barricaded myself in the loo.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I…”   
  
Louis reaches over and takes Harry’s hand.  He can feel his former lover tense slightly, but just as quickly he’s looking back over at him with almost a look of ease.  “You wanted to end it the only way you knew how.”   
  
Harry nods.  “I don’t know… I think the thought of never seeing you again made me hold on.”   
  
“Have you…?”  How is he supposed to ask Harry if he’s thought about it since?   
  
“No.  Well, I never tried again.  Throughout my stay there, I thought about it.  Since leaving there… Well, I can’t say it’s been an easy road.  It’s fine now. But I had nothing and no one when I left. I had to do everything on my own.  How I managed to get into uni I’ll never know. Niall… I don’t think I would have made it without Niall.”   
  
“I’ll have to remember to thank him.”  Louis squeezes Harry’s hand gently.   
  
“I never stopped thinking about you, Louis.  I tried finding you. Then I made myself believe that you wouldn’t remember me.”   
  
“That’s not true.  I could never forget you.”   
  
“That’s good to hear.”  Harry wipes his eyes. “I’m sorry for laying all that on you.”   
  
Louis shakes his head.  “Don’t apologize. I wish I would have known then.  I could have… I don’t know. I just wish I would have known.  Maybe I could have helped.”   
  
Harry meets Louis’ gaze.  “No one could, Lou.”   
  
“I could have tried.  I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”   
  
“No, don’t be.  You couldn’t have known any of it.”  Harry shrugs as he looks away again.   
  
“How are you now, though?  I mean with everything.”   
  
Harry grins.  “I’m okay. I still have nightmares, but they’re rare.”   
  
“Will having me back in your life cause you any problems?”  Louis watches as Harry looks down at their intertwined hands, noting the way the younger man trails his thumb over the back of his hand.     
  
“I can sit here and tell you no until I’m blue in the face.  Truth is I don’t know.” He shrugs again as he finally looks at Louis again.  “I think you leaving would be worse, though.”   
  
Louis nods.  “Then I won’t.”   
  
“Don’t… I don’t mean…  I just mean…”   
  
“It’s been ten years, Harry.  We’re not the same teenage boys anymore.  I don’t want to lose you again. Even if it is only a friendship.”   
  
“I don’t wanna lose you either.  I know Niall said you’re single. But how single?  You seeing anyone? Do I even have a right to ask that?”   
  
Louis laughs softly.  “I am not seeing anyone.  I went on a date about a month ago, but I haven’t seen him since then.  How about you?”   
  
“I think I’m more awkward now than I was when you and I first started dating.”  He shrugs. “It’s been a few months since I’ve been out with anyone. It’s never been serious though.”   
  
“Same here.”  Louis nudges him gently.  “We’ll continue to talk when we leave then?”   
  
“Of course we will.”     
  
“If you ever start feeling…”   
  
“I’ll tell you and we’ll figure it out.  All I know is I can’t lose you again.”   
  
“We’ll figure it out.”   
  
Louis isn’t sure how long they continue to talk before he decides it’s time to head back to his own room.  He smiles up at Harry as they reach the door. “Will you let me know when you get home?”   
  
“Only if you let me know when you do,” Harry says.   
  
Louis nods.  “I can do that.”  He hits Harry’s stomach gently.  “It’s good seeing you again, Harry.”   
  
“You too, Louis.”   
  
Louis doesn’t want to leave, but he knows he has too.  He reaches behind him to open the door. “Don’t talk to anyone you don’t know on the train.”   
  
Harry snorts.  “Whatever you say.”     
  
Louis winks at him before turning and walking out of the room.  “Bye.”   
  
“Bye, Louis.”

 

* * *

 

 

Harry is walking into his building when his phone rings.  “Of course you ring now,” he mutters. He shifts both his grocery bags and personal bag to grab his phone from his pocket.  He smiles at the sight of Louis’ name. Not only is he calling, but it's a video call. “Hey, I'm here. Gimme a sec. Just getting home.”

 

“I can call back,” Louis responds.

 

“Nonsense.”  Harry struggles to pull his keys from his pocket, muttering as one of his bags falls to the floor.

 

“Harry…”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Harold!”

 

Harry looks at his phone screen at the name.  “What?”

 

“Call me when you get settled.  If you call in the next five minutes, I'm going to hit you.”

 

Harry smiles.  “Okay.”

 

It doesn't take long for him to get his few groceries put away.  He walks to his room to get changed. But before he does anything else, he's calling Louis again.  He doesn't want to wait any longer. He settles his phone on his dresser as he waits for the other man to answer.

 

“Hey,” Louis answers, popping onto the screen.  “Where are you? Can't see you.”

 

“I'm here.  Getting changed.  I didn't want to wait any longer to call you back.”  Harry smiles as he approaches the dresser. “Hi.”

 

“Hi back.  Are you done swearing?”

 

Harry chuckles.  “For now.” He slips his dress shirt off and tosses it over to the hamper.   “I wasn't expecting a video call.”

 

“I wanted to see you rather than just hear you.  After ten years, I need it.”

 

Harry smiles as he moves back over to where his change of clothes is.  “After ten years, I think we both need it.”

 

“That too.”  Louis chews on his bottom lip as he watches Harry changing.  He wonders if the younger man is even aware that he's in his line of sight.

 

Harry returns after another moment and lifts his phone up.  “Okay, I'm good now.” He walks down the hall and sits down on his couch.  “I probably shouldn't say this, Lou, but I've missed you. Ten years is a long time to go without seeing or hearing…”  He stops talking as he chokes up a little. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.”

 

“Harry…”

 

“No, I know.  It's stupid. I'm not dumb enough to think…”

 

“Harold!”

 

Harry frowns.  Why is it that Louis can reign him in with a name that isn't even his?  “What?”

 

“I've missed you too.  It's hard not to miss someone that you're in love with.”

 

Harry feels his entire body numb at that.  “No… but… I left you.”

 

“You were taken from me.”

 

“I should have tried harder to reach you.”

 

“Stop.  Don't focus on that.  Focus on the fact that we're here now.”

 

“I don't know if I can give you what you want, Louis.”

 

“You already have, love.”

 

Harry frowns and shakes his head.  “How?”

 

“I'm talking to you now.  I have you in my life again.  I don't know where this road will take us, but I do know that I don't want to lose you again.  You just have to promise me that if you ever start feeling…” Louis can't bring himself to say the word.

 

“I promise,” Harry whispers.  “You'll be the first to know. Louis, I need you to know…”  He swallows the lump in his throat. “I need you to know that while I haven't had those thoughts in a long time, I still have my bad days.”

 

“And I'll do anything I can to help you out.  Do you have anxiety attacks?”

 

Harry nods slowly, but sure if Louis could even see him.  He clears his throat. “Yes.”

 

“When was the last time you had one?”

 

“Well…”  He lets out a soft sigh.  “I suppose it was…” He runs a hand through his hair.  How is he supposed to admit this to Louis?

 

“Please tell me.”

 

“After you left that night.”

 

“Harry…”

 

“No, don’t start apologizing.  You did nothing. It was…” He watches Louis carefully.  “While I knew we planned on continuing to talk to each other, something in me kept telling me that you were leaving and that was it.”

 

“Oh, Harry, no.  Why didn’t you call me?”

 

“I couldn’t.”  Harry shrugs. “I couldn’t let you see me like that.”  He really isn’t too surprised by the look Louis gives him.  “Lou, I couldn’t. At that point, it would have made it worse.”

 

“Harry, is my being back in your life going to cause you to fall back in your progress?”  Louis hates that he’s asking this again. But he needs to know that he’s not going to end up hurting Harry.  After everything the younger man has been through, Louis doesn’t want him to lose everything that he’s gained.

 

Harry wants to tell Louis no.  He wants to tell him that it would only make it worse.  However, the truth is that he doesn’t know. And he can’t lie to Louis.  “I don’t know. I wish I had a better answer for you. I just… I don’t know.  I do know that I think it would kill me if you dropped out of my life again.”

 

“Promise me you’ll talk to me though?  When you start feeling anything?”

 

“Promise me you won’t give up on me?”

 

“I promise.”  


	3. Forgive Me

Harry walks into his small office and closes his door after the meeting ends.  How is this not going to affect any of their jobs? He plops down in his chair and lets out a heavy breath.  Maybe Mark’s right, though. Maybe it’s a simple merger and there won’t be any major changes other than having new people.  Or maybe it’s going to be a bloodbath on who gets to stay in their positions.    
  
Harry lifts his phone from his desk.  When he notices a new text message from Louis, he has to smile.     
  
_ Hope your Monday is better than mine. _   
  
Harry’s smile disappears as he reads the message again.  He quickly types out his reply.  **_My Monday sucks._ **  He has to wonder what Louis’ going through today that’s making his day bad.  Hopefully, it isn’t as bad as his own day.   
  
_ Great start to the new year for both of us. _ _   
_   
**_Wanna talk about it?_ **  He doesn’t have time to wait for an answer.  He looks up at the knock on his door, not surprised to see Mark stepping into his office.   
  
“You don’t have anything to worry about,” Mark says taking a seat across from Harry.  “This is a good move for the company. For everyone in the company.”   
  
“Why didn’t you tell anyone before now?”   
  
“Because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it if nothing came of it.  It finalized a lot quicker than I figured it would. Everyone’s job is safe.”   
  
“What about the jobs from the other side?”   
  
“They’re safe as well.  Nothing is going to change.  It’s still going to be two separate offices.  We’ll just be joined. It’ll be a publishing company along with an advertising agency.  Everyone will be able to work both.”   
  
“How’s that gonna work?”   
  
“It’ll depend on the projects and who’s working what.  I have a meeting out there next Wednesday. I would like you to join me.  I know you just got back from your vacation.”   
  
“Meaning we’ll be staying overnight?”   
  
“We will be.  We’ll leave early Wednesday.  If you agree.”   
  
Harry lets out a heavy breath.  “I guess it’ll be nice to see what and who we’ll be working with.”   
  
“Great.  Company will cover your room and train ticket.”   
  
Harry nods.  “Just let me know when to be at the station.”   
  
Harry watches as Mark walks out of the office a few minutes later.  He grabs his phone again, frowning when he doesn’t see an answer from Louis.  “He got busy, Harry,” he mutters. “It’s a workday.”   
  
It isn’t until Harry’s walking up to his building that he receives a new message from Louis.  The second he’s inside, he pulls his phone from his pocket.   
  
_ Sorry…was in meetings all afternoon. Nothing too serious according to the boss.  We’ll see. How about you? Why is your Monday so bad? _   
  
**_Changes at work. Guess we’ll see how things go in the meeting next Wednesday._ **   
  
_ That must be a good meeting day. Have one myself. _   
  
**_Maybe that means we’ll both be good._ **   
  
__ One can hope.   


 

* * *

 

 

Louis lets out a soft breath as he walks into the club he’d agreed to meet the others at.  Why did he agree to come out again this weekend? Oh right, Harry. Naturally, Niall and Liam chose the gay club to come to.  Though, he’s sure Ava and Ellie had something to do with it.

 

“Harry and Louis need to be able to dance without feeling left out,” he can hear Ellie say.

 

“They could dance with each other,” Ava would likely add.

 

Louis rolls his eyes at the thought of their conversation.  However, he does have to admit that it would be nice to be able to dance with others without feeling different.  Having Harry there with him just makes it even better.

 

After grabbing himself a drink, he turns and looks around to see if he can see any of his friends.  He knows that Liam is here because the man had let him know. He figures that means that Niall is here as well.  He just has to wonder if Harry is here. 

 

“Looking for someone?” he hears from behind him.  He turns to tell the person no, but instead, he smiles widely when he sees Harry standing there.  

 

“As a matter of fact,” Louis starts, “I’m supposed to meet my friends here.”

 

“Oh really?”  Harry sips at his drink.  “Hmm… So are you telling me you won’t dance with me?”

 

“Are you asking me to dance?”  He raises an eyebrow as Harry steps closer.  He lets his eyes close when he feels the younger man’s breath against his ear.

 

“I am.  Are you interested?”

 

“Very.”  Louis allows Harry to grab his hand and pull him toward the dance floor.  They weave their way through the crowd. Louis smiles when he sees the other four.

 

“Louis!” Ava exclaims.  

 

Louis gives each of his friends a quick hug before joining in on the dancing.  He can’t help but look over toward Harry. He remembers how Harry used to dance.  While he may not be overly tall, though he’s taller than him, Harry is lanky. It makes his limbs move in ways that Louis had never seen before.  And as he’s watching the man now, he can see that nothing has changed. 

 

Harry beams at Louis as he moves closer.  “Do you remember the last time we danced?”

 

Louis laughs softly.  “I do remember. You flailed back then too.”

 

“I do not flail!”  

 

Harry grabs hold of Louis’ hand as they continue to move around to the music blasting through the club.  He knows he probably shouldn’t be holding Louis’ hand. However, he can’t help himself. Besides, Louis isn’t pulling away.  In fact, Louis steps closer to him as the song changes again.

 

“I’ve missed this,” Louis says loud enough for only Harry to hear him.

 

Harry grins.  “Me too.” He drops Louis’ hand before sliding his arm around the man’s waist, pulling him closer.  “It’s a good thing we don’t live too far from each other. We should do this more often.”

 

They spend the next few hours continuing to dance and drink.  Louis finally decides he needs to take a quick break. He pushes himself through the crowd and finds his way to the restroom.  He isn’t surprised by how crowded the hallway is by different couples. He has to wonder how many of them actually are and how many are just hookups.

 

Louis steps out of the restroom after he finishes, bumping into someone as he does.  “Sorry,” he says.

 

“No problem,” the voice says.  “I saw you dancing out there.”

 

Louis looks up at the man.  “Yeah? Don’t remember seeing you out there.”  It’s the truth. Of course, he’d been too focused on Harry and his own group than worrying about others in the club.  “Excuse me.” Before Louis can start walking again, the man has hold of his arm.

 

“How about we find an open spot?”

 

“No, thanks.”  Louis tries to walk away again.  “Let go.”

 

“Come on, have a little fun.”

 

“He is,” a voice comes from behind Louis.  It immediately relaxes him, because he knows it’s Harry.  “With his friends.”

 

“Is that what you think you are?”

 

Louis finally manages to pull his arm free.  He turns toward Harry, sliding his arm around the younger man’s waist.  “Come on,” he says. He smiles when Harry wraps his arm loosely around his neck as they start walking away.  “Okay, hero.”

 

Harry snorts.  “I was passing by to the bar when I saw him grab your arm.”

 

Louis looks up at him and sees the look on his face.  “Harry…”

 

“I’ve never done anything like that before.  I don’t know what I would have done if he tried anything.”

 

Louis squeezes Harry’s waist.  “It’s okay. I would have been beside you.  How about another drink?”

 

It’s nearly one when they all walk out of the club.  They say their goodbyes, going in different directions.  Louis looks at Harry after the other four make their way down the street.

 

“I’m hungry,” Louis says.

 

Harry laughs softly as he drapes his arm over Louis’ shoulders.  “Let’s get you fed then, love.”

 

Louis sits down across from Harry at the all-night diner down the street from the club.  He grabs a menu as he watches Harry. “You look exhausted.”

 

“I’m exhausted and drunk,” Harry points out.

 

Louis laughs softly.  “You’re adorable when you’re drunk.”  His smile fades. He hadn’t meant to actually say that.  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

 

“Only when I’m drunk?”

 

“Harry…”  Louis watches the other man carefully.  He’s drunk, that’s all this is. They aren’t at the point in their friendship to take it anywhere.  Right? They’ve only just begun talking again.

 

“I’m drunk,” Harry repeats.

 

“You are.”  

 

“Why aren’t you this drunk?”

 

“I didn’t drink as much as you.”

 

“Smart.”  Harry snorts.  “Always was smarter than me.”

 

Louis isn’t surprised by the fact that they’re both staying at the Wesley again.  This time they’re on the same floor. Harry must have left quite a bit earlier than him to get to the club.  Which would also explain why he’s had quite a bit more to drink than him, too. They stop outside of Harry’s door.  Louis watches him pull his key from his wallet.

 

“This is me,” Harry says as he turns around to look at Louis.

 

“It appears so,” Louis replies.  He meets Harry’s emerald green gaze.  “I have an early train tomorrow, so I won’t be able to see you.”

 

Harry frowns at that.  “We’ll talk when we get home then, yeah?”

 

Louis nods.  “Yes.”

 

“Good.”  Harry takes a step forward, resting his forehead on Louis’.  “Forgive me.”

 

Before Louis can respond, Harry’s mouth is on his.  He squeaks at the surprising kiss but can’t bring himself to pull away, even though he should.  Instead, he finds himself sliding his hands up, curling his fingers into Harry’s hair as he allows Harry to deepen the kiss.

 

“Goodnight, Louis,” Harry says as he steps back after another moment.

 

“Night, Harry.”

 

* * *

  
  
Harry follows Mark onto the train, shifting his bag so he doesn’t hit anyone.  He actually hates Mark for making him wake up so early. It’s not even the fact that he had to be up early, it’s more the fact that he has a meeting to deal with.  He takes his seat beside his boss and rests his head back.

 

“I hate you,” Harry mutters.

 

“I’m aware,” Mark says with a chuckle.

 

Harry pulls his phone out to send Louis a text message, not that he expects a response anytime soon.  The other man should be in bed still.  _ I’m awake and I don’t want to be awake. _  He rests his phone on his lap, settling in for the train ride.  His phone alerts him of a new message as the train pulls away.

 

**_So you had to wake me up? Sleep on the train, love._ **

 

Harry smiles.   _ Didn’t think you’d actually hear your phone. Bossman probably won’t let me sleep. _

 

**_I was up already. Have to be at the office early to prepare for the meeting. I think I need to have a talk with bossman if he won’t let you sleep._ **

 

_ I’ll be sure to let him know. Good luck in your meeting. Let me know how it goes. _

 

**_You too!_ **

  
Harry pulls his scarf loose as he follows Mark into a building.  He hadn’t expected to walk into a building like this. It’s a lot different than the office he’s in.  He steps onto the elevator behind Mark.   
  
“Sure this is the right place?” Harry asks softly.   
  
Mark laughs softly.  “Yes, I’m sure,” he answers.  “Relax. Everything is going to be fine.  Their office is a lot like ours.”   
  
Harry drags a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down.  “How can you be so calm about this?” he asks.   
  
Mark looks at him.  “Because I know what’s going on behind everything.  Trust me, Harry. I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t think it would be good for everyone involved.”  He hits Harry’s arm lightly as the doors slide open. “Come on, Harry, it’ll be fine. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet that someone special here.”   
  
Harry rolls his eyes.  “You say that wherever we go.”  He follows Mark off the elevator.  He looks around the office. It is a lot like the office back home.  He just hopes the people are similar.   
  
“Good morning,” Mark says as they stop at the front desk.   
  
“Good morning, Mr. Barlow,” the woman says.   
  
“I told you last time, it’s Mark.”  Mark looks at Harry. “This is Maggie.  Maggie, Harry.”   
  
Harry nods at the woman.  “Nice to meet you.”   
  
“You too.”  She gestures behind her.  “Adam is in a meeting right now.  But you can head to the conference room.  He should be done soon.”   
  
“Thank you,” Mark says.   
  
Harry slips out of his coat after they walk into the conference room.  He steps over to the window and takes a look out over the city. “How did this even start?” he asks.   
  
“Adam’s my cousin.”   
  
Harry lets out a soft laugh.  “Of course he is.” He looks over at Mark.  “And you both just decided what? Things weren’t going well?”   
  
“Not at all.  Things are going great for both of us.  So imagine what we could do together.”   
  
Harry sighs.  “And nothing’s gonna change?  I’m not gonna have to fight someone to keep my job?”   
  
“Harry…”   
  
“Mark, don’t lie to me.”   
  
“You’ve known me for a long time.  I would never lie to you. You are not going to have to fight anyone to keep your job.  Your job is yours. That won’t change.”   
  
Harry looks out the window once again.  “Okay.” He still isn’t sure how to feel about any of this, but he trusts Mark.  He can hear footsteps entering the room, but that isn’t what makes him turn around.  What makes him turn around is the voice that he hears. This can’t be real. He stares at the two men who entered the room.  “Louis…”   
  
Both men look over, but Harry only pays attention to the familiar face.  He watches the smile appear on the smaller man’s face.   
  
“Harry,” Louis says.   
  
Harry runs a hand through his hair nervously.  “Um… this is where you work?”   
  
“This is where I work.”   
  
Mark chuckles as he looks at Harry.  “Maybe I was right.”   
  
Harry frowns at the man, not entirely sure what he means.  It quickly hits him, however. He remembers the comment Mark made as they were on the elevator.  Maybe you’ll meet someone special.   
  
“Anyways,” Mark continues, “Harry, this is Adam Walsh.  Adam, this is my art director, Harry Styles.”   
  
Harry moves around the table.  “Mr. Walsh, nice to meet you.” He shakes the man’s hand.   
  
“It’s Adam.  And it’s nice to meet you too, Harry.  Looking forward to working with you.”   
  
“Yeah, same here.”   
  
Adam gestures beside him.  “Louis, this is Mark Barlow.  Mark, this is my marketing director I was telling you about.  This is Louis Tomlinson. The best in marketing around.”   
  
Louis snorts.  “Mark, it’s nice to meet you.  Don’t believe everything you’ve heard from Adam.”   
  
“What about what Harry’s told me?”   
  
Harry’s eyes widen as he looks at his boss.  “What? No, I never…”   
  
“Styles, chill.”  Mark hits his arm gently.  “I’m kidding.”   
  
Harry sighs.  “I hate you.”   
  
“Louis, why don’t you show Harry around and let him in on all the secrets around here?  Mark and I have some things to work out.”   
  
Louis nods.  “Sure, boss man.”  He looks at Harry after the other two men walk out to find him chewing on his bottom lip.  “You always did that when you were nervous.”   
  
Harry nods.  “Yeah, I suppose I did.”  He shrugs. “I didn’t know, Louis.”   
  
“Neither did I.”  Louis shrugs with a smile.  “It’s fate, Hazza.”


End file.
